Dear MeiGui: In Praise of Older Women!
Originally published in The China Post, 11/07/08
That old movie “In Praise of Older Women” is forever a hit with me. Back in Minnesota, I had my fair share of fiercesome romps with the cougar-set; but after landing in Taiwan to teach English; and being besieged by so many local young hotties; I put the older-woman thing on the back shelf and forgot about it. Well, that was until recently.
So why did I go back out on the cougar hunt? Well, here’s the thing. Initially, those petite little girls with their “Hello Kitty” handbags and Pikachu T-shirts are quite adorable; but at some point all that cutesie-ness becomes too sweet – kind of like trying to drink too many cherry cola floats in a row. Who can handle that much sugar? .
Anyway, I decided to target this forty-plus-plus spicy female colleague of mine. It seemed to be the usual cougar piece of cake. I barely finished throwing a few sparse compliments her way before she was treating me to dinner at a very nice high-end European restaurant in Taipei. It was all going so well until I got back to her place.
Here’s what happened. She told me to take a seat in her living room while she slipped into something more comfortable – very standard I know. I couldn’t wait to see my Taiwan cougar come strutting out in the latest red lacy “Passion” fashion outfit. The build up was mind – and other body parts – blowing.
However, to my horror, my aging wild thing burst into the living room attired in “Hello Kitty” pajamas while clutching a stuffed Pikachu doll. Next thing I know, she’s telling me that she is a good girl who never drinks or kisses boys on the first date. Worst of all, when I tried to run, she blocked the door and started screaming that I was a “bad” man.
What the heck happened here? I am afraid to go back to work.
-- Cougar Hunter
Dear Cougar Hunter;
How many sick days do you have left? Maybe it’s time to take a long vacation.
-- Something things don’t cross cultures, MeiGui
My wife of six months recently had a peculiar type of latch installed on the door to our flat. This latch requires the use of a key to both enter and exit. In this way, whenever you want to leave the house, you must use the latch key to open the door. It is an incredibly troublesome situation, which is made even more difficult by the fact that my wife refuses to supply me with my own key. She claims it is safer with only one of us holding the flat keys. The other day, I was trapped inside the flat for the entire day. I even had to call in sick to work.
Now, I am from England, and have never before seen this particular type of door latch; however my wife tells me that this type of latch is commonly used in Taiwan; and no matter how much I insist, she refuses to either supply me with my own key, or change back the latch. What to do?
-- Incarcerated at Home
Dear Incarcerated at Home;
You know what they say about good fences making good neighbors. Maybe in Taiwan, high security locks make for good husbands.
-- Hope nothing catches on fire, MeiGui